Dating today looks a lot different than it did even five years ago. Text messages have replaced phone calls, and soft launches on Instagram seem to mean more than real conversations. Many people have downloaded at least one dating app, even if they swear they’re “not using it.”
A Pew Research Center survey shows that around 3 in 10 American adults use a dating app. The number of people using a dating site or app decreases with age. Those between 18 and 29 use them the most (53%). Around 37% of people between 30 and 49 use them, and some 20% of people between 50 and 64 use them.
These dating sites and apps are extremely useful in finding a date online. However, this practice also means you are going on a date with a stranger. Thus, it is essential to understand some red flags of this modern version of dating. While we’ve gotten better at recognizing obvious red flags, like ghosting or love bombing, some warning signs fly under the radar.
These quieter issues often get brushed aside as “not a big deal,” but they can leave lasting emotional impacts. Let’s talk about the subtler red flags that deserve just as much attention.
Always Playing It Cool
A red flag that’s glamorized way too often is the constant effort to “play it cool.” They wait hours or days to reply, act indifferent about plans, and say things like, “I’m just not into labels.” Additionally, they may skip talks about commitment or avoid discussing past relationships.
While independence is healthy, emotional unavailability disguised as chill energy can leave you confused and undervalued. Someone genuinely interested won’t keep you guessing on purpose. They’ll respect your time, respond carelessly, and want consistency. Mixed signals aren’t romantic; they usually indicate someone’s not emotionally ready or invested.
Dodging Conversations About Commitment
Discussing your favorite movie or show is normal, but it is equally important to discuss commitment. This transparency can go a long way in your relationship. For instance, you might want commitment, but your partner might want a casual relationship. Discussing this upfront after a few dates can help you plan your intimacy.
For example, if you and your partner want to be committed and have a family, you can plan for pregnancy. On the other hand, if you’re going to have an intimate relationship without a long-term commitment, you might want to look into contraceptive options. There are many contraception methods, each with its own benefits and drawbacks.
Consider Depo Provera, which is around 96% effective, according to Cleveland Clinic. While the effectiveness is very high, it has been linked to the development of intracranial meningioma. According to TruLaw, long-term use of Depo-Provera injections can cause brain tumors. A scientific study has proven that prolonged use can increase the risk of meningioma brain tumors by 500%.
Due to this, many people who used this injection filed a Depo-Provera lawsuit. Through the lawsuit, they seek compensation for the suffering they have faced. Notably, Depo-Provera settlement amounts and compensation can be hefty, running in thousands.
Having open communication with your partner about commitment and contraception can help you decide the best method for you. If you feel like you’re the only one showing care, it’s worth asking whether that imbalance is something you want long-term.
Shifting the Goalposts
A partner who keeps changing the “rules” of your connection, what they want, what they expect, and what they offer, is hard to trust. Maybe one week, they say they want a serious relationship, and the next, they say they’re not sure they’re ready. Or they expect you to prioritize them while they keep their options open.
Inconsistencies like this might look harmless initially, especially if the person is charming. But relationships thrive on stability, not on guessing games.
Subtle Criticism Disguised as Humor
We all love someone who can make us laugh, but it’s time to pause when jokes feel like jabs. As noted in a Verywell Mind article, many experts believe this subtle teasing can be important for a healthy relationship. However, it is important to have boundaries to avoid hurting your partner.
Passive-aggressive humor, especially about your appearance, intelligence, or career, can wear down your self-esteem. It might not be your imagination if you’re left feeling unsure whether you’re being teased or insulted.
A real connection comes with mutual respect. If you find yourself shrinking around someone who should be making you feel more confident, take that seriously. If you are feeling constantly teased, here’s how you can cope with it:
- Address it immediately
- Be direct
- Question the teasing
- Be honest
Lack of Curiosity About Your Life
It can leave you feeling small when you’re excited to share something, and they barely respond or change the subject right away. If someone never asks questions about your day, goals, or opinions, they might not be as invested as they claim.
It’s not about needing constant attention. It’s about whether someone shows genuine curiosity about who you are beyond surface-level talk. A person who cares will want to understand your world.
Frequently Asked Questions
What’s the difference between setting boundaries and being emotionally unavailable?
Setting boundaries means being clear about what you’re comfortable with and respecting others. Emotional unavailability usually involves shutting people out, avoiding vulnerability, or refusing to connect on a deeper level. While one is healthy, the other can leave you feeling lonely in the relationship.
Can someone’s relationship with their ex be a red flag?
Yes, depending on how they talk about it and what role that person still plays in their life. Constantly comparing you to an ex, badmouthing them non-stop, or staying oddly close without clear boundaries could point to unresolved issues. Healthy closure looks different than open-ended emotional ties.
Is it okay if someone is still on dating apps while we get to know each other?
That depends on what both of you have agreed to. If you haven’t talked about exclusivity, they technically aren’t doing anything wrong. But it’s worth addressing sooner if you’re looking for something serious, and they show no sign of moving in that direction.
Dating today comes with its own mix of confusion, connection, and everything in between. While some red flags are easy to spot, others hide behind casual comments or inconsistent behavior. Paying attention to how someone makes you feel, not just what they say, can tell you more than any dating advice ever will.
You deserve a relationship where you feel respected, heard, and safe to be yourself. If something feels off, stepping back and asking questions is okay. Trusting your instincts isn’t being too sensitive; it’s taking care of yourself.